This
is one of my favourite renditions of Dracula. Which is odd, because
it's also definitely the worst.
Dracula
is a bloated old man that looks like across between Mr. Potato Head
and Muammar Gaddafi who flys around inside his coffin to 'Flight of
the Valkyries' (oh, and by the way, the music selection for this film
is fantastic. It's mostly classical, because of the lack of copyright
issues, and the music that plays over the opening montage is that
Prokofiev piece that was used for the titles of 'The Apprentice',
which was pretty hilarious) and plays the violin and piano (both of
which, as well as all of his normal speech, are badly dubbed). Van
Helsing seems drunk the whole time, crashes his car constantly,
flirts with everyone, and is just generally useless. The main
character is an American, who Helsing makes do most of his dirty
work. His girlfriend dies weirdly at the start of the film, so he
goes to the Czech Republic to get over her, I guess.
He
then instantly falls for some girl, and she gets kidnapped, and him
and Helsing storm the castle literally 4-5 times. One time they use a
grenade!
There's
not a huge amount more to say, really. The plot description is all
you really need. It looks like it was shot some time in the 70s or
early 80s, but was actually released in 1998. The quality of the
acting, effects, set design, and just about every other aspect is
lacking to similar levels, but it is an extremely (and
unintentionally) funny movie.
Oh yeah and it had nothing to do with the 'Die Hard' movies, by the way.
Die Hard Dracula: 23.8